I'm Going To Kill Myself

by Sneeze



released June 3, 2013

Recorded by Will at Dead Air
Mastered by Nick and Rob at New Alliance

Released by Close To Home Records (UK) and Midnight Werewolf Records (USA).



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Close to Home England, UK

A DIY artist collective.

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Track Name: Intro
I'm stepping out on a limb,
This sickening feeling's real,
I have a way down,
But I just want to go home.

Abandoned inside as this fear consumes your dead obsessions.
You're seeking fame while I steal he thing that's closest to you.
I have a way out and I'm so sick of this home.

I've had enough for twenty years. I hope I'm dead in ten.
I've finally had it up to here.
Track Name: Canker
Amphetamines, I head straight for the liquor cabinet,
So don't blink I'm not afraid to shoot.

Hey, you know I'm quite tasteless,
So get up and get out of here.
You know I'll get wasted,
and now I'm fucked.

I'm feeling sweaty but I wont back down, I'll fall down hardly,
"Oh no",
Everybody's saying "Hey dude, make room",
I'm losing touch, I've lost my way.

But I don't care now,
I'd rather be here than with everybody dancing,
and talking too loud,
you're the centre of the world, kid.

Don't get back up, I couldn't crawl back home.

Hey, you know you're all faceless,
faded, and out of date.
You'll finally find your time was spent,
on blaming everyone but you.

But no one cares,
You shouldn't try so hard,

Back home,
You couldn't wait,
To meet new faces,
I don't think I care,
I've had enough of them.
Soon I'll pretend I don't know your name.
Track Name: Park Her Road
Don't count your wishes.
You just got them and don't want them
to slip through those wide legs.
It's ugly inside you.

Your faith deep down is fading much quicker than expected.
You're weaving your hair lines are receding.
And it's placing all invitations uninvited.
This black book fades and fades and fades.

So jot down your thoughts and reminders on napkins throughout these rooms you used to rest your head.
One wish, through them all away,
and want your existence to not retreat, but to disappear.
Two wish, all is hurt and pass through old friends but undercover.
You should have stayed home.

Last night I saw you through a different face.
I couldn't get those eyes out of my head.
You've known you cracked down.
Last night I saw you in the mirror when I thought you were deep inside your head. You've back down and need it.

Three wish, to hide your face.
Track Name: Bad Head
I don't want you, I just want your face,
I don't want this, sit down,
Your dumb blessings are like a bat out of hell,
Stand up in your nightgown,
and try pushing, but don't bother,
You won't dare escape.

You'll die crawling,
If you leave my place,
You're saved, so stop talking
and rest your head.
Track Name: I'm Going To Kill Myself
I don't want to beat this anymore,
Think I will give up,
My hands are sore and I'm beat as hell.
I'll finally get some sleep,
Well if not for a thousand years, then try to sit up,
Now stand, my ankles crack, my feet swollen, my back will break up,
My mouth is dry, my eyes swollen, I have to shake it off.

Shower and shave I have to go outside,
Breathe in, exhale I think I've finally died,
My head my hair, wind will subside,
Then send off.

The things you know that you've been told,
You dreamed the end, the end you sold.

I cannot wait to crack my hands and pace from place to place,
I'll see them inside and trace the stupid smile on your face.
I'll simply slide, out of existence of this simple place.
Until I'm alive, I'll head home.

Simple and safe, have to step outside,
Same shit same day till I burn alive,
I'll throw it in when I wanna,
I'll hang it up, I'll hang inside.
Track Name: Vaticant
You're face down, soaked pillow, you're screaming to yourself,
Rip these sheets right down your gonna hang yourself.
You're gasping, second guessing,
Twist your throat around you're gonna love yourself.

Claw at your neck,
You can only hope you cut an artery.
Track Name: Dark Elf
It was a bad luck life to expect change,
Now level change and it goes black.
You saw me sneaking around a snow capped map that I just sealed.

Too bad you see, it's bolted shut,
and I'm not yet ready to pick this,
Look man, come try and kill me
in my strong heavy armour.

My flames could melt your flesh down,
To moonlight dust that I'll shift through,
Give me your gold and armour,
Give me your filth.

Yeah, now you're second guessing.
Get out, get out.
You'll step back far, I'll chase you down
and drown you under water in fur, you burn.
Track Name: Quit Shitting
It's all been thought of way too late,
and now you're stuck covered in all you placed behind you.
It's fading, not leaving,
You'll pray, it was all just another figure eight and maybe you'll
someday collect all the signs,
and please just leave me and I keep saying,
It was all a mistake, it was all another waste of time.
Once you've discovered you've left me far behind.

You're hating all the fine details graved into a postcard,
That's been soaked with rotten wine,
Which said I'll be playing honest 'till I met a girl last night who was stiff and kind of playing,
But in truth it was who kept me waiting.

Down, like a saint who was boarding up his room
But in time you'll see I'm just tasting,
Blood in my bones, as I tiptoe through this wasteland,
and you'll gather praise until you see me wasted.
Track Name: Brainage Pipe
You'll want to wait downtown across from the busy road,
they finally will praise me, don't step out and save me.
Just pick up the light stuff and leave me alone.
Bleeding internally, is that what I'm tasting?
They're passing slow and the light are still changing.
You shiver inside your coat and you'll read "Hey TJ".
Just feel some comfort.
I left you everything I own, now save me I have a headache.
Right now it's sinking into,
Your hope that I'll be able to make it home safely.
So hold, all my words I'm feeling close.
Remember when we waited outside across from the distant road.
and forgot what we left back home so soon.

Back then we didn't care if we got home safely.
We were stoned and I couldn't wait till tomorrow.
We were coming down but these people were still selling coke.
You know we couldn't wait till tomorrow to repeat this.
Track Name: Crumb
Smoke it down like a cigarette filter,
It keeps you warmer,
Hold it close take another breath,
Exhale, you screw the lid on straight but break the glass.

Once again I've kept my hands dry,
but can't keep from sinking in,
My fingernails bit clean but keep me choking,
Still air's leaking in.

Once again I'm still depending on a fifteen,
It's just if I get there, I might if I crawl,
Every day I've spent erasing every time I fall for your darling overview.
I crawl over.

View in on my secrets, model cars and huffing glue,
It's a straight laced life and a bold face lie I'll tell you now.
Great face lean in your staring much too far through,
get used with one word with my bitten off tongue,
Evidently your condescending doors opening,
on your face and the damage struck on your darling overview.

So I'll drive out west far from the cold, yeah.
Foot on the ground 12 feet around, yeah, I get it.

Whens the point overdue?
Track Name: Red Bullgirls
We'll talk about her and rub it in her face,
We'll talk about her and then carve it her face,
I'll take what I can take,
When I'm hiding in her place.

A quick smoke break and I'll blow it in your face,
Tears on cheeks,
I'll softly rub them in your face,
I can tell you're feeling great from the fear inside your face. I find it hard to breath when you decorate your face. You can't get up, you wish you had your pill bottles. I won't stubble, you're useless. I think you've got the best of me. I won't argue anymore. You feel scared just wait and think about it honestly. You're not good for anything. Just give out your drrol that's slowly turning bloody. I don't think it's right for me. I don't think it's right you're fucking everybody. I'm your dead sleeper, I'm your death keeper. I'll put you in my arms again taking you in vein. I'll put you in great harm again. I'm your death breather, I'm your dead leader.
Track Name: Under The Fridge
Don't bother your eyes when,
You know the sun won't show,
So wake up, it's time,
Before she sneaks into your mind where you're waiting.

All alone snow capped and glazed on a desert stone,
You think that you've tricked her the wrong way,
When she's been thinking way too much lately,
Of not thinking how you'll sneak away.

Turning over everything, getting closer.

Don't bother explaining,
Don't waste your time on yourself and just freely speak,
Your head's unkept and you're whispering words to pray for death.

Now you're sinking way too fast get out,
and she's been watching you from her home,
When you melt out she'll be with you,
In your shadows till you turn to stone.
Track Name: Blank Man
Eat, drink the shit out of you. Aren't you dead yet?
'cause you're crumbling into my palm and soon I'll blow it in the wind.

Breath in, choking. I'll clog your lungs. feed, bleed, and dream.
Open up your eyes if you care again I swore you got the hint 5 years ago.
Good man, dead man, blank stare. The end.
You're not worth my time.

Wait for reasons to give you praise. Better luck praying.
God damn you sick fucking burn and burn down bridges.
You burnt down your home you drive me to the point that I don't care.
I'll leave you drone. I'll leave you stained in shit again.

I wish you the best as I watch yourself drain and keep spinning until your head fucking explodes.
Brained gain shit again, hit it hard. I hit it hard into my palm and then I'll cut it off.
Track Name: Scabass
You've seen me right here waiting.
You have some nerve I never knew.
You'd drown for me, you're drowning me.
I'll break in two, you have to leave. Why can't I breath?

You got to be the one who's stealing my inspiration.
You got the way of the blind. Your shooting but keeping me dry.

I should have dug down deeper.
The path is past what could have saved me.

You think you had yours. I'll find you could have but didn't want out.
I'm finally tasting last call before I could wonder in hell.
I hope your wasting hope around you. Around you you're covered, uncover.
The hole your waiting for to surround you. Surround you, consuming, assuming.

Your finally wasting hope around me.
Track Name: Outro
I gave you hope but then you twist it up around my hopeless neck.
I gave you faith but you failed me.
I gave you all I had and you told me to hang around my neck.
I gave you love and you left me.

I could have seen it all along.
I'll breath in warmth from what I've learned,
If I give you all I grabbed and hunt it tight around your neck.
You'll give me faith that you'll fail me.